


Five times Coulson didn't realize something about a member of his team (+1 time he did)

by Coal_burningbright



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: -Phil Coulson, AND HER DUCKLINGS, Adhd Daisy Johnson, Au Grand Worm simpily Doesn't Exist, Autistic Jemma Simmons, Autistic Leo Fitz, Backround Lance Hunter/Bobbi Morse, Bus Kids - Freeform, Cooking, Coulson makes vendors cry, Dad Phil Coulson, Gen, He thinks he's not but his almost 100 parenting books show his lies, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kid Jemma Simmons, Kid Leo Fitz, Kid Skye | Daisy Johnson, May is an enabler(tm), Minor Phil Coulson/Melinda May, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Skye | Daisy Johnson Angst, Skye | Daisy Johnson Has ADHD, Skye | Daisy Johnson Needs a Hug, Supportive Phil Coulson, Well like they're late teens, When I started writing this yesterday I hadn't written in months, internalized ableism, lol, mama may, so children, so the chapters are more than doubling in size each one I write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 18:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26033380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coal_burningbright/pseuds/Coal_burningbright
Summary: In which Phil Coulson accidentally adopts a bunch of literal children, he just doesn't realize it.
Relationships: Bus kids - Relationship, Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Jemma Simmons, Phil Coulson & Leo Fitz, Phil Coulson & Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 44
Kudos: 179





	1. How old are you again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based off of  
> a. Jemma said "I was a 17 year old girl with two phds who didn't know what to do with myself" and we know she and Fitz didn't pull pranks so they might have graduated in one year (there might be more canon evidence I'm too lazy to find) so if her birthday is in september conceivably she could be 17 when the show started (okay I had them all at 18 but 17 seems so much younger)  
> b. Ms. Chloe Bennet lied and said she was 27 to get the role of Skye when she was in fact 20.

She hadn’t meant to lie to them. Okay, she hadn’t meant to lie to them about _that_. It was just impulse at this point, no one would take her seriously if they thought she was just a dumb kid. So she lied and said she was twenty-five and they all believed her. She had always looked older than she was, (probably because of the trauma) and she used it to her advantage. She didn’t have any legal documents that said otherwise (she didn’t have any legal documents at all) so it worked.

And besides it wasn’t illegal to drink at 18 in most countries. 

In fact Fitzsimmons had probably drunk before, they had been away on a campus with the boiler room after all. 

“Hey, Jem?” she called, “Have you drank alcohol before?”

Jemma was startled by her friend's question but she answered truthfully, “No, I was just seventeen when I went to the academy and even though I am from England they still wouldn’t have let me drink next year.”

Coulson watched the children some of the best Agents S.H.I.E.L.D had suspiciously. “How old are you Jemma?”

“I’m 17 as of September 11th this year, it’s a bit of a bummer to have it as my birthday when I have to tell Americans but my Mum made me a cake and everything!” 

Now Coulson felt his suspicion was warranted, “And how old are you Fitz?” he asked, taking care not to scare him.

“I’m 17 too.” 

“We’ll have to do something fun for your eighteenth birthdays.” Coulson said before grabbing May subtly to pull her out of the room.

\-----------

“Did. You. Know.” He asked, tightening his grip on her arm a bit. He knew she looked a bit shocked in there and he didn;t think she would do something like that but if she did? If she put these **_children_ ** in harm's way? He would require a _very_ good explanation.

“Of course not.” May snapped back, “Fury gave me cards with info on it, I picked them because they’d just graduated from the Academy. I thought they were in their early twenties at least. 

They peaked back into the room to hear Skye and Jemma talking, “I thought you would have been drinking for a while.” Jemma was saying.

“No, I would do it with Miles sometimes but we were both underage and it’s not worth getting caught.” 

Coulson and May shared another look. Today was not going well.

“And how old are you Skye.” Coulson asked, keeping care to keep his voice steady. “Are you really twenty-five?”

“Um,” Skye began, then paused. “On the street it was always better to say you were older and everyone always said I looked older.”

“But how old are you?” Coulson asked. He might not have truth serum but he did have what he was pretty sure was a **literal child** with several cups of alcohol in her.

“I’m actually the same age as Jemma and Fitz.” Skye said, giggling lightly. “Isn’t that crazy?”

“Yes. That is _very crazy_. It is also crazy that you are drinking alcohol right now.”

Skye frowned, “You never stopped me before you knew how old I am, that’s, that’s, that’s _ageist_.” She delivered the line with the force of a toddler who believes she has won the argument.

Coulson raised his eyebrow at her. 

Skye scowled. “Can we do this tomorrow when i’m less drunk?” she asked. Coulson abruptly remembered she had been on her second can of beer when he left the room. “How bout everyone goes to bed and we can have a family meeting tomorrow.” He suggested. 

Jemma and Fitz scurried off and May helped him get Skye to bed. 

“We’ll need to implement rules.” He said to May later that night. A _schedule_ . **_Chores._ **”

“Go to bed Phil.”

*Bonus*

The next day everyone was sat down for lunch by Coulson who explained very seriously that he had set up a chore chart. Family dinner would be once a week and one of your chores could be to make it. Gold stars were given for chores you excelled at (He saw Jemma perk up at that one) checks for ones completed satisfactorily, and sad faces for incomplete/badly done chores. As Coulson set the rest of the rules (Bedtime is at least Midnight but there can be exceptions, no alcohol or drugs, you must eat at least two meals a day and hydrate) he had a sinking feeling. He had a feeling that Melinda was going to tease him for turning into his mother until the end of time.


	2. The Chore Chart is Coulson's real favorite child

“Who changed all of Jemma’s gold stars into poop stickers?” Phil Coulson yelled angrily from the living room of the bus. 

The chore chart had been going strong the last six days, Jemma’s row filled with stars, Fitz with mostly stars but a few checks (building a robot monkey that does your chores for you means that you don’t get full credit) and Skye, Skye had one star, three checks, and two frowns. Today was going to be her night to make dinner, but it seemed like someone had not only vandalised Jemma’s row but changed all the names of the chores. 

“Everyone needs to get here, now.” He yelled again. May came in first and perched on the kitchen counter looking slightly amused. Then Fitz and Jemma could be heard banging around the lab, presumably cleaning up. As Phil observed this Skye came in, head ducked a bit. After the other kids filed in Coulson looked around trying to look stern. 

“I understand that chores aren’t your favorite things to do.” He said calmly, “but that is not an excuse to desecrate  _ our _ chore chart. I won’t call anyone out now but I  _ strongly  _ encourage the culprit to come forward.” He nodded at everyone before getting up, “I will be in my room so that the culprit can come forward in private.”

Skye peaked into Coulson’s room. She could see him sitting with his legs dangling off his bed, mustering her courage, she knocked gently on the door. 

“Come in.” Coulson said, watching as Skye softly pushed the door open. He had had a feeling it was Skye, well, he had known she was the only logical suspect. Still he had called the family meeting so that no one else would get any ideas about tampering with the  **Chore Chart** , like  _ come on _ who does that. He patted the spot on the bed next to him.

Skye timidly sat down on the bed, carefully keeping a bit of distance between her and Coulson. “I’m sorry.” She said, more because it was what she was supposed to say then because she meant it. She tried to look sorry.

Coulson raised an eyebrow and reached out towards the kid on his bed to take her hand- it was a technique he had read in a parenting book. Grab their hand and look into their eyes and then the truth would come out. To be fair the book was about toddlers but he was pretty sure it would still work. To his surprise Skye flinched away. 

“Skye?”

Skye drew herself inward, making herself as small as she could, “I’m sorry.”

Now Coulson was getting worried, “What are you sorry for?” he asked as gently as she could but Skye still seemed to shrink more.

“I’m sorry for flinching away?” 

“Did you think I was going to hurt you?” Coulson asked, trying with everything in him to stay calm and not spook her even more. 

“I knew you probably wouldn’t.” Skye said, trying to keep her voice light and free of shaking, maybe she could play this off. “Habits are hard to break.”

Coulson took a steadying breath. “I want to just say that I will  _ never _ hurt you. No matter what you do I will never hurt you.” She looked younger than her seventeen years now, it seemed unbelievable he had believed her twenty-five, this scared kid hunched on his bed. “I might get mad but it doesn’t mean I’m mad at you. Right now I just want you to explain by ‘Habits are hard to break’”

Well, playing this off as a joke didn’t seem to be working, Skye sighed. “I was in the system for almost sixteen years and I never stayed at a place longer than five months six days, some homes were better than others, do the math.” She started to get up, “If that’s all can I go?”

Coulson tilted his head in disbelief at her, “First of all, I think we should talk about that, but even if you don’t want to we still have to talk about the Chore Chart.”

Skye sighed again, “I messed with the chore chart because I thought it was funny okay.” She said crossing her arms, “Jemma has so many stars she’s so proud of and I wanted to see her face.” 

“Okay, but that doesn’t explain why you changed the names of the chores. Also, I noticed you changed it from being your day to make dinner, that’s what I’m the most curious about.” He could see he hit the ball on the head when Skye flushed slightly and ducked her head.

“I might not have the practical knowledge of cooking that is probably necessary to make a good team dinner.” Skye said quickly, as though by saying it fast the words would lose their meaning.

“What?”

“I don’t know how to cook.”

“Oh.” Coulson said, several things clicking into place, then he smiled “I can teach you.”

“Really?” Skye hadn’t expected that, “You don’t have to, I can probably figure something out.”

“You don’t have to figure something out.” Coulson resisted the urge to hug her, “Let’s start making a plan- I’ll even share my Secret Family Recipes.” 

Skye took a deep breath, “Okay.”

*Bonus Number one*

This was a disaster. The kitchen was completely covered in a white powder, Coulson didn’t even know what it was. It could have been cocaine for all he knew. If Coulson didn’t know better he would have said May did this but he did. Skye was a disaster in the kitchen and he could only thank all gods that she had agreed to let him help. If she hadn’t he was pretty sure she would have exploded the bus. 

Pasta should have been easy, noodles and tomato sauce. Instead he had a pot of burnt noodles (how do you light  _ water _ on fire) and a strawberry sauce. 

Where was Skye? Oh. Skye was sitting on a counter eating powdered sugar out of the bag (that must be where the white powder came from.) “Skye.” 

“Yes?”

“Please stop eating sugar, it’ll spoil your dinner and I need to show you how to salvage this. We can make new pasta and use strawberry sauce if we flavor it right, now-”

*Bonus number two*

“Dinner time!” Skye called excitedly, ringing a cowbell that Coulson was pretty sure May had bought just to taunt him.

Fitzsimmons! Please remember to  **wash your hands** before eating after being in the lab!” Coulson added.

As the pair filed into the room Simmons looked at him with the fakest confusion he had ever seen, “We always wash our hands sir, I don’t know why you were worried.” Fitz nodded and Coulson was pretty sure he had heard a snort come from Skye’s direction but he decided not to deal with that now. One meltdown was enough for a day. 

“Skye, want to present your dinner?”

Skye excitedly brought the tray of strawberry covered pasta out to the table, “Behold, Pasta de Strawberry! And for additional excitement-”

This could not be good. 

Phils worst fears were confirmed when Skye brought out a bottle of wine she had gotten from who knows where,

“It’s on fire!”

“No.” Coulson said at the same time as May said “no alcohol for children.”

“It’s not alcohol, the alcohol burns off when I light it!” Skye said excitedly getting ready to  _ light their dinner on fire _ . 

“No.” Coulson said, gently removing the bottle from her hands. “Alcohol is only for adults and I don’t trust you to set it on fire right.”

“Fine.” Skye made a show of pouting before doling out a serving to everyone, “Dig in!”

*Bonus three*

Coulson had added several parenting books about abused children since his talk with Skye (much to Melinda’s annoyance) (“Phil. Our bedroom doesn’t have any more room. You don’t need almost a hundred parenting books.”) and as he had observed his team he had felt more and more sure that he should at least  _ talk _ to Fitz. 

*Bonus four*

“So for that reason we  _ need _ a support group on the bus! We can all talk about our trauma and it would be good!”

“Go to sleep Phil.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but really they all need therapy.   
> Also Rip Skye who was trying to put on a tough act so they would all respect her and everyone was like, 'Literal child'  
> I didn't show Fitz talking about his childhood because Scottish Accents are Hard(tm)


	3. If we can't have a monkey.....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to ignore canon but also this is moving kinda parallel like I might just say they go on adventures- okay I just want Daisy to have Quake powers and to add the other members of the team

Coulson didn’t notice something was up until the dog had been living on the bus for a week. To be fair he had been rather preoccupied, first by the groceries, then by the 084 the team had to deal with, then the groceries again. Also he was still dealing with the shock of learning about Sky-Daisy’s parents. They had done digging and it hadn’t been pretty. Shield had killed her mother and father after they had gone on a violent rampage and killed an entire village, it had taken shield a while to find them at which point S-Daisy had been so deep in the system they couldn’t find her. Coulson regretted that the most perhaps. The fact that she had endured years of horror because she had been too well hidden, still, it was better than what might have happened if they had caught up to her. 

One week ago

“Look at him, he needs a home.” Daisy, Fitz, and Jemma were huddled around a medium dog in an alleyway. May and Coulson were shopping in the town and the kids had been given a ‘Day off’. 

“Daisy. We can’t bring a  _ dog _ onto the bus.” Jemma said, judgmentally.

“That’s not fair.” Daisy stamped her leg. “I know Fitz wants a dog because he made us watch those movies  _ a million times _ . No offence Fitz. And I want a dog. And look at him!” Here Daisy tilted the dogs head towards Jemma, “How can you say no to a face like that?”

Jemma had to admit the dog was cute, he was an altogether average dog, medium sized, scraggly brown fur, he obviously needed a wash, but Jemma could tell that with a bit of clean up he would love them forever. That might have been all the dog movies Fitz had been playing showing through but honestly she was outnumbered and she wanted a say in naming him. 

“Fine, but we need to sneak him onto the bus, oh and buy dog food, and how will we take him on walks?”

“The treadmill in the training room for walks, I already have a month's supply of dog food and a bed and some toys.” Fitz answered while Daisy smiled at her. They had obviously been planning this for a while. 

The three of them bought a large shoulder bag before waving goodbye to May and Coulson who were in a screaming match with a fruit vendor who looked near tears. Luckily May didn’t see when the dog poked his head out of the bag. 

Maybe we shouldn’t be running.” Daisy gasped in between gulps for air. 

“Nonsense. We need to get home in time to wash him.” Jemma said, looking scandalized at the prospect of going home  _ slowly _ .

“We should just get a cab.” Fitz said, already stopping to hail one. Jemma flushed and Daisy looked impressed. 

“Well I thought some exercise would be good for us.” Jemma protested feebly.

It turned out that it didn’t matter because the cabbie had taken one look at the “Flea infested  creature .” and that was that. They had still gotten home with plenty of time as a text from Coulson informed them that he would be ‘Running late. This vendor is a real piece of work.’ Jemma had a feeling the merchants were going to need therapy when Coulson was done but decided not to say that. 

After a shower the dog was looking much better and Jemma decided it was time to propose a name. “What if we named him Cygnus?” 

“Like from Harry Potter?” Daisy asked at the same time as Fitz said “Brilliant!” 

“No, not from Harry Potter.” Jemma scowled. (Harry Potter had been a topic of discussion during which they had all agreed on everyone's houses and also that they all hated the author and thought Remus and Sirius were gay.) “Cygnus like the constellation! Cygnus isn’t even a Harry Potter character! Did you know that in Greek mythology it represented the form that Zeus took to seduc-”

Daisy cut her off. “Jem, I promise I’ll listen to facts about Sirius later but for now we just need to get the Cygnus who is with us right now somewhere safe and comfortable.” 

Daisy frowned suddenly “Whose room will he sleep in?” 

“We can take turns, a week each. And we can feed him and walk him in shifts- I have the schedules of May and Coulson ready.” Fitz said excitedly.

“Now we just need to keep a dog hidden from two super spies on a plane!” Jemma chirped

“It’ll be fine as long as they don’t talk to you.” Daisy teased, gently poking Jemma’s side.

“Hey!”

Melinda May watched the havoc unfolding in front of her, she should have known better than to bring up to Coulson that all of their food was S.H.I.E.L.Ds basic supplies. They had already been shopping for hours and she had seen Coulson break at least twenty grown men. It had started semi okay with the two of them going into the supermarket, even when they emerged with a cartload of cereal alone she hadn’t been worried. But now, watching Coulson threaten to kill a man if he didn’t sell him some plums at half price, May was getting a little tense.

“I have three children waiting for me back at my home, do you want them to starve?” Coulson yelled, his arms laden with bags of the best things from every stall he had seen. May was pretty sure that you weren’t supposed to taste test the things before you bought them but by this point the shopkeepers had realized that they should pick their battles carefully. She popped another piece of popcorn into her mouth as the merchant agreed to give Phil the plums for a third of their usual price. 

May was no slouch at haggling with her death glare and poker face but Coulson, Coulson took food more seriously than anyone else she knew. He also firmly believed that if they would sell it to you for a price they should. This included the price they would sell it to you for after you threatened to carve a face into every one of their peaches so that ‘Everyone can see how angry you are all the time.’. Honestly May would have enjoyed it more if not for the fact they would be banned from buying things in that city ever again. It meant she had to get her leather jackets quick before she was banned too. 

The problem would probably be solved if she didn’t follow Coulson while eating popcorn and watching the show but she was willing to sacrifice a few shirts for the sake of a show that good.

Cygnus was barking. Loudly. 

Daisy, Fitz, and Jemma had been playing with him and apparently when he was excited he barked. It would have been adorable if not for the fact they were keeping him  _ hidden _ . Already Fitz had had to pretend to have been watching dog videos to cover up the dog. He was pretty sure Yo-yo knew because she had steered Mack away, but Hunter had bought his explanation. To be honest the three of them were pretty sure Hunter had just been looking for Bobbi. 

“Shhhhh” Jemma shushed Cygnus again. 

“Jemma, It’ll be fine. I’ve been watching dog videos for weeks in preparation.” Fitz reassured her for what felt like the hundredth time. “Even so we live on a  _ plane _ with  _ spies _ . They’re sure to know something’s up.”

“Yo-yo will help us hide him from Mack if we let her pet him, Hunter and Bobbi are really, really  _ on _ right now which means we have one week of them being too wrapped up in themselves to notice and then another week of them fighting too much to notice. The only real problems are the Bus Parents.”

“The Bus Parents™ had started as a joke, referring to Coulson as the Bus Dad but now the joke had progressed and Daisy had had to stop herself from calling Coulson ‘Dad’ or May ‘Mom’ more than once.”

“So that’s settled then? We know their schedules and I’m pretty sure that we can distract them if need be.”

The three of them all curled up in Fitz’s bed because, well, they couldn’t exactly be expected to leave their new friend on his first day.

Phil Coulson sighed as he looked at the poster. “This man is not allowed to buy anything from anywhere” it read in large print. He put it in the folder with the rest of them and went off to the kitchen to make his Secret Super Special Surprise French Toast (the secret was plum and thyme sauce) and his Absolutely Amazing Pancakes (the blueberries all needed to be perfect). Sometimes sacrifice was necessary when you had the bigger picture.

The next day began with happy barking coming from the training room. Okay, the next day at around ten barking was coming from the training room. None of the kids wanted to get up early though and Cygnus seemed to be fine with cuddling with the three of them for a while before they got up.

Cygnus loved the treadmill. Fitz had been worried about him not liking it because it wasn’t real but it turned out as long as someone was running next to him he was fine. The problem was when he was  _ too  _ fine. Hence the excited barking at eleven in the morning. Luckily their plan seemed to be working. 

Coulson and May had returned at one in the morning with a pick up truck full of groceries. Daisy had said she had seen at least ten family sized twizzler packs and added it to her ‘To Steal Later’ list. Cygnus had barked at the sounds of May and Coulson going down the hall and Fitz had had to say they were all watching youtube videos of dogs. So now they were all grounded because ‘Growing children need bedtimes’ but it was okay because they had A DOG!!!! 

Yo-Yo had helped them get Cygnus to the training room and had agreed to spirt him off to a hiding place if May or Coulson came their way.

Hunter and Bobbi had come into the sparring area for a little bit but they were too liplocked to notice anyone else. (Daisy had covered Cygnus’ eyes) and had soon left with a comment of how they would ‘ _continue_ _elsewhere_.’ Fitz was trying not to think of the implications of that statement. 

After that they had eaten breakfast, Coulson had started making breakfast for everyone on the weekends and so there was french toast and pancakes (at first it had only been french toast but when it became obvious Fitz was avoiding it Phil had started making pancakes as well). 

Then they had gone off to Fitz’s room to cuddle Cygnus again. 

Lunch.

Off to deal with the latest Crisis™.

Dinner.

Family game night where they played monopoly in which; _Fitz and Jemma weren’t cheating_ and _Hunter I swear to god that’s life money you aren’t even cheating right at least have the decency to pretend you’re not, like Fitzsimmons over there_ and _hey we aren’t cheating we just read up on strategy after we lost the bloody game last time_ and _how did May win?_ _It’s because I wasn’t arguing like you all,_ and _Hey! May cheated!_ and then off to bed. 

They all slept in Fitz’s room again, Cygnus was comforting and they didn’t mind that they were all squeezed into one bed that was hardly big enough for two people, let alone three and a dog. 

Honestly it was annoying to not remember which cities he was banned from. He had stepped into a small bakery to see if he could get his team a treat for a job well done and the baker had  _ thrown things at him _ . He knew he was a harsh critic but that was really going overboard. He had wanted to get something to have on hand when he ungrounded the kids, he never liked grounding them- mostly because he wasn’t sure what it should entail. Still they shouldn’t be up at all hours watching Youtube. He’d heard more dog sounds from Fitz’s room over the last few days and he was starting to worry he had an addiction to dog videos. 

It went on like that for the next five days with varying degrees of almost getting caught. They were pretty sure Mack was getting suspicious, there were only so many times Yo-Yo could steer him away from places without it happening but he seemed resigned to it. Bobbi and Hunter were still oblivious to the world around them, they had started fighting again and while Daisy and Fitz knew they should be used to it they still liked being able to hug each other and Jemma and Cygnus as they went to sleep. 

The sixth day after they found Cygnus they went on a mission till late at night and all collapsed exhausted into their bed, passing out almost immediately.

The next day when Jemma woke up she felt a flash of panic, she knew it was later than she normally woke up. A quick glance at the clock confirmed her fears. It was almost twelve, she’d wasted the day already! As she started to get up an arm grabbed her. 

Daisy pulled her friend back down onto the bed. “Sleeep tiiiiime, shhhhhh” 

Maybe one day off wouldn’t be so bad, what’s the worst that could happen?

Phil Coulson was having a staring contest with a dog.

He didn’t know where it had come from, only that it had appeared in the training room when he had entered, looking around forlornly. He had started to run on the treadmill and the dog had joined him. Now, sitting in the kitchen, he was asking it to give up it’s secrets.

“What are you?” He asked the dog.

The dog did not respond.

May who was sitting on the counter with her legs crossed leaned her head on his shoulder “Think he was sent by the gods of food sellers to make you atone for your sins?”

“Maybe.” Coulson wasn’t letting any theories slip past, this was S.H.I.E.L.D. after all and a god dog wasn’t the weirdest thing they'd seen. 

It was half past twelve when Daisy realised what was different, “Guys?” she asked tentatively. “Where’s Cygnus?” 

“We lost our dog?” and “Wot the hell” followed her outburst and soon the three of them were out of bed and searching for their dog. 

He wasn’t in the training room. He wasn’t with Yo-Yo. He  _ definitely _ wasn’t with Hunter and Bobbi, who it seemed had made up after their last big fight. Then, they heard it.

“Reveal your secrets  _ please _ ” Coulson was trying to reason with the dog when three children burst into the kitchen. May couldn’t help but smile at the way their faces went pale, even Fitz somehow lost two shades as they saw Coulson talking to a dog. Then the dog saw them too and happily bounded over. 

“Not now Cygnus.” Daisy whispered, trying to shoo him away. Though what that would accomplish at this point was anyone’s guess. 

May could see the moment Phil put the pieces together, he raised an eyebrow at the kids, the three of them unsuccessfully trying to hide the dog (Cygnus?) behind their bodies.

“Since when did we have  **_a dog_ ** on board?” Coulson asked, trying very hard to keep his tone level. 

“Last week?” Daisy said, “and we can’t get rid of him now. It would break his heart.” She fixed her best puppy dog eyes on him. 

May did her best to pretend that she didn’t know Coulson had taken one look at that scruffy dog and decided to keep it. “You all need to take care of him and you can’t give him away if the excitement wears off.”

“Hey, we kept him alive for a whole week without you even knowing he was here.”

May leaned forward to look at Coulson from her perch only to see him looking like he just figured out the secrets of the universe. “So you weren’t just watching dog videos!” The children exchanged happy glances and May resigned herself to have a new partner while she and Daisy did Tai Chi. 

*Bonus*

“Since when did we have a bloody dog?” 

“Hunter, Cygnus has been living with us for a month.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please kudos and comment :)  
> This is what the dog looks like (it's the best picture I could find anyway) https://c8.alamy.com/comp/BK7R0D/irish-terrier-mongrel-BK7R0D.jpg


	4. In which Coulson doesn't realize that he shouldn't buy parenting books for every topic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter depicts RSD and internalized ableism.  
> I have ADHD and did my best to write my experiences but I don't have autism, so while I tried to make no mistakes I would love if someone informed me if I did so I can fix it.

Daisy was having a bad day.

“How's the program to search for the city going?” Coulson asked.

It wasn’t going well. She’d been procrastinating on it for the last few days. She knew that she needed to, she wanted to, the problem was she would put her hands on the keyboard and nothing would happen. 

“It’s going great, it should be done by the end of today!” Daisy lied. She couldn’t let him down. They needed to have the program ready to plug into the satellites. She needed to stop being so stupid.

“Okay good, you’re all dismissed.”

Daisy went to her room to try to write the code. 

Five hours later Coulson knocked gently on Daisy’s door, when he didn’t get a response he knocked louder. Still no response. He tried calling her name but still no response. Fearing the worst Coulson pushed back the door, half expecting to see a note that said “got kidnapped be back later.” Instead he saw Daisy scrolling through some social media site. 

“Daisy?” She still didn’t respond so he went over and gently tapped her shoulder. “Hey kiddo, you okay?” 

“Huh?” Daisy shook her head. She had just started scrolling through tumblr a few minutes ago, she looked at the clock and saw three hours had passed. Suddenly she was aware of her hunger and the fact that Coulson was standing next to her looking concerned. “Oh sorry, I must have gotten distracted.”

“I was just coming to ask how the program is coming.” 

“Shit.” Coulson was going to hate her forever. She’d completely abandoned the very important thing she should have been doing. “I’m so sorry, I got distracted and then,” she trailed off. 

“This morning in the meeting,” Oh no, this would not be good. “You said it was going great, do you at least have most of it done?” 

Daisy didn’t mean to but somehow she started crying a little bit maybe. “I kept meaning to start and then I’d get distracted or not know what to do, even though I should know because this is what I’m good at.” She started running her hands up and down her thighs.

Coulson put his arms out, and then hugged her. “It’s okay Dais’, we can figure something out. You still have time before we need it.” 

Daisy continued running her hands up and down her legs, spiralling downward fast. She knew Coulson was just saying those things but he actually wanted to kill her. “I’m sorry.” She said again. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I promise.” Phil was getting a little worried. “Daisy, are you okay.”

She tried to bring the world around her into focus, “Sorry, RSD’s a bitch.” He wanted to kill her. He wanted her dead. He wanted to snap her neck with his bare hands. He-

“What’s RSD?” Coulson went through a list of all the diseases he knew of “ Reflex sympathetic dystrophy?”

“No, rejection sensitive dysphoria. Basically my brain being an asshole anytime someone says something it decides means they hate me.” 

“Okay.” Coulson decided he’d deal with that later. “Can I help you with the coding thing?”

“Da-Coulson, you can’t code  _ at all _ .”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t help you.” Phil ignored her slip up and together they were able to finish the project. (Who knew someone poking you in the side every five minutes would make you work faster?)

A few days later Phil remembered the conversation and looked up “rejection sensitive dysphoria” The first two answers seemed informative 

“ The most telling marker of  **rejection sensitive dysphoria** is an extreme response to real or perceived  **rejection** . Most people may experience sadness, disappointment, or frustration after experiencing  **rejection** . But with RSD,  **rejection** or critique can be overwhelming enough to lead to: Outbursts of rage or panic”

“In people especially overwhelmed, this is sometimes called  **rejection sensitive dysphoria** or RSD. It's characterized by extreme emotional  **sensitivity** to being criticized or  **rejected** , whether real or perceived.”

But the third one was what really caught his eye. “Is rejection sensitive dysphoria only in ADHD?” he clicked and 

“ **Rejection sensitive dysphoria** (RSD) appears to be the one emotional condition found  **only** with  **ADHD** ,” Dr. Dodson says in Emotional Regulation and  **Rejection Sensitivity** for Attention magazine.” popped up. Hmm, he thought to himself. Did Daisy have ADHD? How do you ask someone if they have ADHD? 

“Do you have ADHD?” Coulson had been sitting eating lunch with Daisy when he gathered the courage to ask the question. 

“Yeah.”

“How,” Coulson paused trying to gather his thoughts. “I didn’t know.” 

Daisy laughed. “You mean I didn’t go up to you and hand the pamphlet on how to deal with having a kid with ADHD?” oh god what if he decided having someone with ADHD on the team was too difficult.

“Please tell me if there's anything I can do to help you.” In his head Coulson was already making a shopping list for books on ADHD. 

That wasn’t the response Daisy was used to, sure she knew that Coulson  ~~ loved ~~ cared for her, but after her diagnosis when she was 12 she had been turned away from more and more places on the basis they ‘couldn't deal’ with someone like her. 

“Do you want the rest of the team to know?” S _ hit, shit, shit _ . Coulson was pretty sure that was the wrong question to have asked, luckily Daisy didn’t seem to think that.

“I,” she paused. “I’m not sure. I don’t want them to look at me like I’m the odd one out.”

“That makes sense.” They went back to eating.

A few weeks later when Coulson had read every book and article about ADHD he could get his hands on, Daisy decided to tell the team. 

“Family meeting!” was yelled, and several ka-thumps were sounded, and then everyone was sitting on the couches in the living room. 

“We’re having another family meeting, the next one wasn’t scheduled until three days from now?” Jemma asked worriedly.

“I have an announcement,” Daisy began., “I’m just telling you this so you know and so I don’t have to explain stuff, I have, ADHD.” She took a breath. “Questions, comments, concerns?”

“Oh! How fun! I thought you might but I didn’t want to ask and seem rude. It’s nice to have another neurodivergent person on this plane.” 

“You’re not neurotypical?” 

“Oh no, I actually am autistic - it’s like a cousin to ADHD.” Jemma paused and looked at FItz, and when he gave her a little nod added, “Fitz is too!” 

“Oh, I’ve read some about that, back when I was trying to learn as much as I could. Do you have any special interests?” 

“Well, I’m never really without one. I’m interested in space and biochem and languages!” Jemma said without taking a breath.

“And I’m interested in engineering and monkeys.”

“We both are interested in space too!”

“I think you can guess what one of my hyper-fixations are.” Daisy joked, gesturing towards the computer at her side. “

“So will this be just a five of us thing or do you plan to tell Mack, Yo-Yo, Hunter, and Bobbi?” 

“If this went well I was planning to tell them.” Daisy admitted, not adding that it had gone better than she expected. 

“I’m glad that you trusted us enough to tell us.” 

Coulson made a mental note to buy books on autism, he tuned back in to hear Daisy saying. 

“Does that mean we’re basically cousins?”

“Well we’re basically siblings, May and Coulson are the parents and we’re the adorable kids. We even have a dog!”

“Adorable?” Coulson asked, “Not quite the word I would have used. I would have used something more like,  _ annoying _ .” 

“Sure,  _ dad _ . We know you love us.”

Coulson laughed and tried to ignore the joy that that sentence brought him.

“We would like to inform you that neither I, nor Fitz, nor Daisy, is neurotypical. For us this means a variety of things as Daisy has ADHD and both Fitz and I are on the autism spectrum. We have prepared resources for the four of you and are prepared to answer any questions you may have.” Jemma said as she handed out thick binders to the rest of their friends. Hunter stared at his in horror, while Mack had already begun reading his. “You might see little baskets full of fidgets around the playground and the bus. You are welcome to use them, but please let me or Agent Coulson know if a basket is empty.”

Bobbi raised her hand. 

“Yes?”

“Are you going to be not allowed to go on missions because you’ve told people?”

Jemma blanched. She had expected Bobbi, her  _ friend _ , to be more supportive than this. “Yes.” she said sharply. “We are still trained professionals.”

“Why are you telling us now?” Hunter, sensing the tension in the room (a rare occasion it is that Hunter realizes what’s going on around him, Daisy thought wryly)

“Well Jemma and Fitz weren’t masking because they got a pass for being young and geniuses, and I got tired of masking because it’s very emotionally draining so I decided to tell the team and then Jemma and Fitz decided to help me by telling you guys too.” Internally Daisy grimaced at the sentence she had just said that probably broke at least ten rules of english grammar, but she hoped she had gotten the point across. 

“What do you mean to mask?”

“It’s like pretending you’re neurotypical to fit in better.” Yo-yo nodded and went back to reading over Macks shoulder. (Well really around his side, that man was a wall of muscle, Fitz thought.)

“How did you know? How do you know you aren’t just normal?”

“Well normal is really not a good descriptor. I know because I was tested after I did a bunch of research and gave the packet to my mom. I included a sample copy of the ADHD and autism tests in the back of the packet for fun.”

Hunter, who was holding his packet upside down, turned it right side up and started circling answers. Mack and Yo-Yo filled out one together, Yo-Yo changing his answers (“Cheating!) (Mack this isn’t a test.) And Bobbi. Bobbi just sat looking at the first page. 

“Why aren’t you doing the test, love?” Hunter whispered, proudly showing her his finished paper. He had drawn a penis using the dots. 

“I just didn’t feel like it.” 

“Hm?”

“What if it said I was off?”

“Off?”

“You know, different, messed up.”

“Bob, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. See here, it says it’s just your brain working differently. It has a little comic.”

“You just read it because it was a comic.”

“Of course. Here you don’t have to show anyone, just try it?”

“Okay.”

Bobbi didn’t show anyone. She had known what the test would say, the same thing that her parents had. The test told her she was wrong. She knew what Hunter had said about just being different but she couldn’t shake the memories and the feelings. She googled instead, taking five more tests before reading some articles. And then some more articles. And then some more.

‘Internalized ableism’ That’s what all the articles said. Bobbi rolled the word around in her head. Finally, pushing back the panic that threatened to overwhelm her, she sent Hunter a text.

Hunter’s phone lit up with a text from ‘Demonic Hell Beast’, he opened it and read the text. Several things suddenly became clear to him.

‘I think I might have autism’ Bobbi cursed herself for sending the text. Hunter hadn’t responded, he was probably off telling everyone. 

Hunter ran full speed through the halls of the playground. Almost crashing into several people in his race to get to his and Bobbi’s room. Bobbi was inside.

“Bob!” He called as he skidded into the room. “Hey! I came to offer my love and support!”

“You idiot.” 

“Hey, I came here for you.”

“Did you really leave in the middle of a mission?”

“No. I left when people were getting ready. I wasn’t needed. It’s okay love.” Hunter looked at Bobbi’s face again, “Hey, I promise I just want to help you. Want to explain your text?”

Bobbi realized she did. “I’ve spent so much of my life trying to be more  _ normal _ . As a spy it’s all about fitting in and I’m good at that. I know how to fit in. I’ve spent so long memorizing all the things you should say and when and what everything means. I was looking it up because I took Jemma’s test and then another few online. I kept seeing the bits of myself I try to push down.”

“Huh,” Hunter wanted to give a better answer but the best he could do was “I’m glad you figured it out.”

“Internalised Ableism. That’s what I have too.” Hunter had read the comic on that. It was nice of Jemma to make comics of the things. 

“We can work on that, Love.”

Coulson got as many stim toys of as many types as he could. No May, he did not get ‘ _ too many _ ’ he got the right amount, and it was with how many were lost when the team had to go on missions or just that Daisy had managed to lose them. He had been working to make the whole of S.H.I.E.L.D. better too. Subtitles on informative videos and the like. 

They all had bad days but they had each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also you guys should check out   
> https://buckysbears.tumblr.com/post/159547118159/jemma-autism-checklist  
> https://buckysbears.tumblr.com/post/137192190209/fitz-autism-checklist  
> https://buckysbears.tumblr.com/post/158827217889/adhd-daisy-johnson  
> and just https://buckysbears.tumblr.com/tagged/nd+headcanons in general!

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments make me write more *wink wink* :) please


End file.
